Kyle is a dear friend of mine. He's been active in student politics, we all know him, we all love him.
Kyle is one of those figures that define a century; much like Michael Jackson, he engages people with his rhetoric and even though he gets older, they stay the same age.
Time to throw caution to the wind, just like that time you threw an ice block at my face. Oh wait, that was Friday. Nevertheless, let us roast him like a marshmallow over a designer fireplace.
Playing Hookey
Kyle has been in approximately four of my classes since the beginning of University. However, it's safe to say that the amount of times I've seen him in class is equivalent to the amount of times I've seen him give money to homeless people. Greg has noted that he has seen Kyle throw out money, so the proof is in the extra-smooth, vanilla bean, with whipped cream-sprinkle pudding. He has somehow coasted through every course without going to class; and for this I commend you, Kyle, for keeping it classy. Three snaps for you.
Giggling
It is scientifically proven that the bigger you are, the more likely you are to giggle like a school girl because of the lack of oxygen that gets to your brain. And, let me tell you ladies, he's big where it counts....his heart. He mainly giggles when watching his favourite television shows and movies; most notably Desperate Housewives and the Bachelor, and Maid of Honour and The House Bunny.
The Kitchen.
It is safe to assume that Kyle only does one thing in the kitchen. Clean the stove. On a weekly basis, you can hear an echoe in Desmarais. Usually, that echoe is him complaining about how dirty his kitchen is, and how he needs to clean his stove. Which is a strange phenomenon, considering he never cooks. However, he has made me baked goods on two occasions. May it be noted that we were promised nine dozen cookies, and were brought one dozen baked cookies and five boxes of dad's 'oatmeal' and oreos. You can bet your bottom dollar that this man appreciates his cream filling. They can even be stacked in cylindrical formats for hours of fun.
Shout-outs to Paul Webber, Kyle's Lawyer, who will be taking care of me upon him reading this.
If you do not hear from me, I have been shanked and all of my personal possessions, including this blog, shall be inherited by Ethan Plato.
I'm glad you kept this kosher. There's much more exciting material you could have chosen from. That said, this is good. I even laughed - although not like a school girl.
ReplyDeleteI do have something’s to add thought:
It's unfortunate that my amazing book of life's short stories has been misconstrued into an "Oxford Encyclopedia" of lies. It can't be my fault that I've got such exciting happens that people refrain from believing. That said. One day people will realize I was right all along.
Regarding hooky. I got to class. Just not the ones I don't need to go to. I want to make it very clear to all those who I engage with "...rhetoric and even though [I] get older, they stay the same age..." that skipping class is not cool. Make sure you go unless - the notes are posted online, you have good friends in class (like Amanda) or there is not mid-term or final. If any of your credits meet those criteria, it's fair game for Fajita night!
I laughed at a lot of this. No giggling. Honest.
Now, on the topic of the kitchen - ever thought that the reason I don't cook is because the stove is always a disaster?! Think about it. It's like what came first... the Chicken or the egg; the clean stove or the cooking? Think.
Now. Cookies. There were 3 dozen plus you got me for five full hours. That's better.
And my lawyer says this, and the designer fireplace is all good so Ethan doesn't get the blog but I sure hope he get's to be blogged.
Caio.
As per usual, Kyle is lying. He did in fact giggle like a schoolgirl as I was reading the blog out loud.
ReplyDeleteEthan
you're lying. that's fact.
ReplyDeleteGreg 1, Greg all, let's all do the cat crawl! (meow meow meow, meow meow meow, meow meow meow, meow meow meow)
ReplyDeleteGreg 2, Greg 3, let's all climb the cat tree! (meow meow meow, meow meow meow, meow meow meow, meow meow meow)
Greg 4, Greg 5, let's all do the cate jive! (meow meow meow, meow meow meow, meow meow meow, meow meow meow)
Greg 6, Greg 7, let's all go to cat heaven! (meow meow meow, meow meow meow, meow meow meow, meow meow meow)
Greg 8, Greg 9...STOP! IT'S CAT TIME! (meow meow meow, meow meow meow, meow meow meow, meow meow meow)
purrrrr